If I have been forgiven by Jesus . . .

Why is it, we who have been forgiven so much, seem not to be able to forgive others?
Surely I’ve made mistakes, and fallen short of the grace that was given to me, yet Christ makes it clear that if I ask Him to forgive me, He will. I asked, He has. If I have received this, should I not do the same for others?

Thinking back, I may or may not know what it was that alienated us from each other, it may have been something I said, or foolishly did, it really doesn’t matter, if I could remember I’d gloss over it, or excuse myself. Whatever it is does matter, if you would then help me find that place and lovingly walk me through it so that we both can be healed.

I find the silence on this subject shocking. I find my own inability to give what I’ve received even more so. here is the truth, I have wounded several without knowing it, and yes, I have wounded others on purpose. For those I’ve wounded or hurt and didn’t know I was doing it, I ask your forgiveness. But I need to hear the words from you to know you’ve found grace in your heart to do it and say it. For those who I’ve hurt or wounded, offended, etc., on purpose, I ask for your forgiveness as well. Whether it was in anger, frustration or just plain stupidity, I did it in a moment when I allowed my selfishness to get the best of me, and I’m truly sorry. What may have hurt the most is that I wasn’t aware I was doing it, or just so stubborn in forging ahead anyway. I can’t be responsible for what others do or have done, I am responsible for me.

Too often I (we) look for reasons (excuses) for why we do or say the things we do, “ . . . my childhood was marred by unloving and non responsive parents; being born poor and in a racist society, caused me,  to etc.

If I have been forgiven by the blood Christ shed for someone like me, why is it I who have never spilled a single drop of blood for anyone, won’t do what Christ did for me and tells me to do (and frankly enables me to do) in John 15:9-12,  ‘ . . . love ye one another, as I have loved you. But “T,” I thought you were talking about forgiving? Yes I am and was. “If you love me keep my commandments,” Oh dear, there you go again Jesus, “Love one another, as I have loved you” John 13:34-35.  Yet all of the Scriptures in the book won’t have any affect, if I am unwilling to apply them to myself.

Father, I confess my sin of being unforgiving, I’ve held on too my anger, resentment and the pain on purpose and for far too long. I refuse to allow what you’ve done in and for me to be applied to those who have hurt and wounded me. Lord, frankly I’ve secretly hated them while you have loved me, and want to allow this love to be shared with these who judge me the worst of sinners. While I am just that, because I hold on to what you want and are willing to allow me to let go of, but I refuse to do so; forgive me as I embrace your forgiveness of these as well.

Thank you for the freedom your love and Spirit bring. The weight of my sin I can no longer bear, you have taken it and replaced it with your self in and by the Holy Spirit.  I thank you for your grace which uplifts my spirit anew. In the Name of Jesus I pray, AMEN!!!

Love ya, T.A.B.

"UBUNTU"